Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
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