they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
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