you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
