we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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