i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
