For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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