Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
