ya dads aren't the best wingmen
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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