a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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