also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
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