Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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