I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
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