i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
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