You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Randomize
