She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Randomize
