it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize