She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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