Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
