Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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