So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Randomize
