we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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