when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
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