he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
