hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
