If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Randomize
