If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Randomize
