Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Randomize
