Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(307): View more from Wyoming

if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.

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(443): View more from Maryland

He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.

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(816): View more from Missouri

That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again

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(845): View more from New York

I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.

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(630): View more from Illinois

I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...

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(203): View more from Connecticut

They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.

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(603): View more from New Hampshire

This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn

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(+44): View more from United Kingdom

I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.

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(508): View more from Massachusetts

Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.

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