Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize
