Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
