Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize