Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Randomize
