He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
