I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Randomize
