Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Randomize
