it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Randomize
