Please, let me fuck your mom
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
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