the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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