once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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