I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
you never un-have a 4some
Randomize
