i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
