Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
