I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
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