You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
