Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
