home. puking in laundry basket.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
