The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
