So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
