ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Randomize
