Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Randomize
