Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
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