Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
