i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Randomize