I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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