Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
