I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
found the other keg... it's in the tree
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
