It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
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