Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
