I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
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