Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize