There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Randomize
