when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
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