My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
