1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
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