My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize