Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
