Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
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