just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
