Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
