Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
