GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
